Arrr Somalis Just Trying to be Romantic?
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Mogadishu, Somalia - Ask any boy on the continent what he wants to be when he grows up.
A lawyer!
A doctor!
A police man!
Somali pirate Ali
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These are all common and boring professions. Sensing a need to stay competitive and relevant in today’s job market, Somali militias began amassing weapons and sea craft fifteen years ago to train part of Africa’s up and coming work force.
Somali pirates recently captured a Ukrainian (the Faina) ship carrying weapons worth an estimated $30 million dollars. We sent our tactical reporter, an ex “blow man” from the Angola navy to meet with the group’s leaders. He presented them with 40 lbs of khat in order to gain an audience.
Hamdi Ali, the ships scullery maid, spoke with our reporter while the elders smoked our leaves.
“We started off as what you might call the National Guard, y’know, just trying to protect our fishing waters,” said Ali. “The rest of the world dubbed us ‘pirates’ when we started using rocket launchers and other high powered weapons while patrolling the seas.”
At first, the pirates fought against the label, but then saw the value in it after a community viewing of Pirates of the Caribbean at the local video hut.
“Like Cpt Jack Sparrow, we too have huge hearts and are just terribly misunderstood.”
Many pirates strive to be just as committed to the attention he gave to piracy. Pirating, they said, is one of the most romantic professions on the planet. In fact, part of the $20 million ransom they are demanding for the release of the Faina will go towards the purchase of ‘pirate essentials’, like eye-liner.
Samdi Hamdi (no, really) the captain of this group stopped sucking on his forth khat blunt long enough to offer this piece of profound insight.
“Jack was a lover of the sea, money and hallucinogens,” he coughed. “My crew has smoked…heh! Is my face peeling off into my hands? Dude, my face is peeling off…into my hands.”
The interview ended shortly after that revelation, not unlike an uncomfortable Mother Goose fairy tale:
Samdi Hamdi got the munchies and shook our reporter down for his candies.
