Is Mubarak Going to Swerve Egypt Again?
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Tahrir Square – Yesterday by this time, Egyptian protestors were jubilating in the streets, expectantly waiting for Hosni Mubarak to make an announcement of his resignation. In a stunning move that many on the continent have called “Another Suarez” (named after the Uruguay douche bag football player who robbed Ghana of her victory during the World Cup), Mubarak dashed those hopes by saying that he would not only NOT leave, but that he would not bow to foreign pressure to force him to do so.
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The previously euphoric crowd erupted into a sea of fury.
“Mubarak, get out!” they chanted in Egyptian. Wait, Egyptians speak Arabic, don’t they? Anyway, they wanted him out.
This morning, less than 18 hours after he’d made the announcement that he would not leave, Mr. Mubarak suddenly resigned. The reasons are unclear, but the result is unmistakable: the Egyptian people are ecstatic.
This sudden change in heart has many people scratching their heads, however. How is it that this 82 year old despot, who has held on to power like the Pharaohs held on to the children of Israel, and who yesterday was defiantly shaking his proverbial political balls in the face of democracy, suddenly reversed that decision? To find out, political correspondents from MB went to the belly of the Presidential palace in Egypt to query those who would know best: Mubaraks’ kitchen staff.
“Well, at first he was going to delegate certain powers to his VP,” said the butcher. “And those would be doing things like talking to the students and negotiating their requests. You know, all the stuff you send a small boy to do.”
“Hosni hates talking to students,” added the baker. “In fact, he hates talking to anyone. The man has moments of sharpness, and moments of senility. Clearly, he was having a moment of senility when he said he would take time to review the constitution before he stepped down.”
The baker was referring to Mubarak’s offer to review Egypt’s constitution in response to protester furor. Apparently, he thought he was still living in 1966, when such a review MIGHT have been pertinent.
The presidential candle stick maker could not be reached for comment, but we spoke to a huge fellow, known only as The Tub, who indicated that Mubarak might change his mind over the weekend.
“You just never know with that guy,” he mulled. “One day he wants me to give a bath, and then he doesn’t…”
Meanwhile, the leaders of Ivory Coast are plotting their next move. Unlike their lighter skinned cousins in upper eastern Africa, a military take-over of government means only one thing: heads rolling and blood in the streets (some of that possibly theirs), not the civility that has been afforded the people of Egypt. Reports tell us that Ivorian launderers have been busy washing the soiled pants of both these fellows after these stunning events in Egypt.
