Joseph Kony Unfriends Fidel Castro on Facebook
1 Comments
Kampala - Uganda’s most notorious war lord, the Bible thumping Joseph Kony, has ‘unfriended’ his ally Fidel Castro on Facebook this week. A coalition of African intelligence agents, called the Coalition of African Intelligence Agencies, unearthed the disturbing online back and forth between the rebel leader and the leader that is a rebel. It read like a sad Mills & Boon break up. Following Castro’s disparaging comments concerning FIFA referees and his interpreted bias against Latin American football players, Kony unfriended him saying he could no longer contend with Castro’s “negative energy”. A copy of the transcript/inbox messages shared between the two has been released exclusively to Maize Break.
C Dawg: Hey! Wuddup man? I looked for you on my friends’ list and couldn’t find you. Did you unfriend me? I do som’n to upset you? 1:15 pm
Kony Island: Yeah. I defriended you a while ago. I just couldn’t handle your negative energy anymore. I feel like I don’t know you, and I need a little distance. 2:45 pm
C Dawg: What? What are you talking about dude? 2:46 pm
Kony Island: What you said about the refs and the World Cup…that hurt. Especially when Ghana got Suarezed by that Uruguay player. You know that was a goal! You know how important that @#!% was to me. You know how bad I have been praying for the Cup to stay in Africa. 3:21pm
C Dawg: Aww… Kony… c’mon man! I was just blowing off steam. You know how it is… 3:21 pm
Kony Island: Yeah. Whatever. I just don’t think we can be online friends anymore. But, I mean, we’re still cool in real life, y’know? 5:03pm
C Dawg: Dude. Don’t do this. How can we be friends in real life? I have a travel embargo and you’re crawling around in remote areas of the jungle. I don’t even know how you have internet access! How do you get internet access, by the way? 5:04 pm
Kony Island: That’s besides the point! My God always provides, that’s all you need to know. I’ll call you on the satellite phone sometime. 5:55 pm
C Dawg: Kony man. I’ve just been feeling so vulnerable. Every since Adolf and J. Stalin died, there’s been so little real evil in the world. Kim Jong doesn’t allow internet or Facebook in his country, and sending carrier pigeons to Korea isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. It’s so…1914. C’mon. I can change! 5:55pm
Kony Island: Look. I’ll think about it. I gotta go read Proverbs before I burn this village and rape a 12 year old girl. I’ll inbox you sometime, ok? 8:22pm
C Dawg: Promise? 8:22pm
Kony Island: No, I can’t promise. But I’ll at least think about it. 9:00 pm
C Dawg: Ok. Ciao. 9:02pm
Kony Island: Ciao. 9:04pm
C Dawg: K-fed? I…I love you man. 10:01pm
Kony Island: *Beedeedeee!* We’re sorry, this online subscriber no longer has access to this page.
