NDC Wins Ghana Elections
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Accra - On Friday, January 2nd, the people of Ghana decided to elect NDC’s Atta Mills as their next president. The 64 year old ex-lawyer (and ex-hockey player) will assume his new position on January 7th. Seeing as how Ghana’s average life expectancy for males is 59 years old, we’ll see how long this ailing gent will be in power. Perhaps his plans for “change” include implementing a new healthcare system, in which all Ghanaians will be required to calculate their ages in binary code in an effort to deceive themselves…and fool the world.
GHANA POLLS: John Evans Atta Mills, of the National Democratic Congress (NDC), set to become Ghana's next President. Photo from Vanguard.
One of the most sweeping changes that the new administration plans to put into operation in the next few weeks is the clearing of national prisons where crooks have been “unjustly imprisoned” for various crimes; like theft and murder. Our sources in Adenta tell us that prior to the announcement of the election results, JJ Rawlings, the NDC’s founder, stood in front of the Japanese Embassy and declared that the prisons should be emptied.
“I have new people I’m coming to put in there,” he cried.
Many of NDC’s supporters say he was just joking, but for the 49.77% o people who did not vote for Rawlings…er, Mills, it is alarming news. Some are old enough to remember when loved ones would disappear in the night under the old PNDC regime. Some just testified not too long ago at the Truth and Reconciliation Council where JJ and his “soldier boys” were named as the perpetrators of human rights atrocities.
But we digress. Today is a day of celebration for Mr. Mills and the less than one percent of Ghanaian voters responsible for putting their country in harm’s way for the second time (Mills won with a vote of 50.23%). We are hopeful that you enjoy your 1000001st birthday this year.
