Angelina Jolie Responsible for All Conflicts
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All that is wrong with Africa is Angelina Jolie’s fault. Yes! You heard us right! Our intelligence has been tracking the movements of this Hollywood star for the last decade or more, and we are here to present you with the stunning truth!
Angelina Jolie at the New York "A Mighty Heart" Premiere, June 12, 2007
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Ms. Jolie’s life has taken several tragic twists and turns. As a teen, she dropped out of school and would cut herself as a form of rebellion. She also once (tongue) kissed her own brother on national TV on the red carpet. If she did THAT on the red carpet, what did they do behind closed doors? In her adult years, she’s taken to collecting the world’s impoverished children like one acquires checkers…on a checker board.
What does any of this have to do with Africa’s current woes? Well, lets just look at the parallels. Using her “Jolie juju”, she has initiated the following:
1.She used to cut herself. Angelina no longer has to cut herself. Using her mystical powers, she thought “Wouldn’t it be much better if other people cut themselves instead? Or perhaps…cut other people?” And now we have rebels macheting people to death in remote parts of the Congo.
2.She tongue kissed her own brother. Remember the Liberian war? The soldiers used to make fathers and sons have sex with their own mothers/sisters! This was around the same time she was cavorting with her own flesh and blood! Astounding.
3.Her collection of the world’s poorest children. This one needs no explanation. Every place this woman sets her feet has some form of conflict, be it Afghanistan, Ethiopia or what have you.
We visited this woman in her house and asked her “Angelina, why? Why are you troubling the continent so?” She looked at her Oscar book case. There was a spot already prepared for “My role as the savior of Africa”. She’s doing it to promote new films!
For all you Angelina fans, we are sorry to break this news to you, but it’s our duty to report the facts. And if you think this dark haired beauty is incapable of such evil, consider how she stole Brad Pitt from Jennifer Anniston; and got pregnant quite before they were even divorced!
Sweet, blond Jennifer. America’s best “Friend”.
This woman has powers oh! Africa, be warned!
