Liberians: Rice is No Longer En Vogue
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Monrovia, Liberia – This week, MaizeBreak caught wind of a story circulating on the BBC that Liberians have stopped eating rice. How could this be? It is the very level with which Liberians have traditionally consumed rice that has spawned phrases such as “You eat rice like a Liberian refugee!” or “I love rice so much, it’s like I’m a Liberian.” Liberia’s love affair with rice plays a very important part in African folklore.
As Africa’s premier source of news, we felt it our duty to send a delegation to Liberia to find out if there was any merit in this report.
My brothers and sisters, we are sad to report that it is true!
Piemeh Wuah, a 23 year old high school student, explains the shift in taste.
“Rice is so archaic,” he told us. “It reminds us of Charles Taylor and other bad times. Eating spaghetti is more new age, and very cosmopolitan.”
He twirled his fork with poise in a plate of fresh spaghetti and sensually sucked the spicy noodles into his mouth.
“I could never do that with rice,” he said between bites.
We asked the government if the doubling of the price of rice had anything to do with the shift in tastes. A deputy minister of agriculture shook his head no.
“I would say Mr. Wuah was spot on,” the minister (speaking on condition of anonymity) said. “The truth is, like the rest of Africa, we are trying to make ourselves more attractive to Chinese investment. If we can show them that we also enjoy the things that they eat, like noodles, then maybe they can supply us with something more than guns and weapons.”
Officials hope to convince the wider populace that spaghetti is more fashionable before they stage a rice riot, or worse, a coup. Liberians are known to eat rice three to four times a day.
For our part, we hope they fail. Somehow, “You eat rice like a Chinese refugee” just doesn’t have the same ring to it.
