Africa’s Sexiness has its Roots in Liberia
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Monrovia, Liberia - Renowned anthropologist, Professor Randy Coop has made an astounding discovery. After years of study, fact-finding missions and research, he has discovered the true origins of African sexiness…and it’s in the most unlikely of places.
“All sexiness comes from Liberia,” declares Dr. Coop. “It’s true; and I’m not saying it because I myself am a Liberian. The evidence is all around us. I myself am a product of the Sexiness. Some of Liberia’s most famous sons and daughters are the sexiest people alive today.”
In his research, Dr. Coop found out that prominent American talk show host, Oprah Winfrey, has traced her ancestry to the Kpele tribe, who in the hinterland of Liberia.
“According to media reports, Oprah’s ventures earn her $700,000 a day,” discloses Dr. Coop. “She is the highest earning entertainer in America…possibly the world! When she talks, people not only sit up and listen; they obey. Tell me, what is sexier than complete control and utter domination?”
The professor notes that the only thing that would make Oprah sexier is if she would finally concede to having children to keep the so-called “sexy string” going. He does add a caveat to that requirement, however.
“If she doesn’t want to have children, that’s fine. I mean, she is Oprah Winfrey after all, and she can do whatever she wants. I would be more than willing to carry her offspring for her, in the artificial womb we could have implanted into my body. Her immense wealth could accommodate for that. That’s called selflessness. And it’s a Liberian quality. And it’s totally sexy.”
The professor was right. We polled a number of African men, and none of them were willing to carry a baby in an artificially implanted womb.
He also points to President Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, the continent’s first female president ever. Her status is yet another emblem of the Sexiness.
“Her presidency shows we are progressive. Again I would submit to you that progressiveness is totally sexy.”
But perhaps the most compelling piece of evidence of ultimate sexiness comes from Dr. Coop’s own life. He recounts a tale from his youth that some might find somewhat disturbing. However, he feels it confirms the point of his research.
“As a young boy, I used to play soccer amongst the dead bodies that littered the field during the Charles Taylor regime. I was so used to seeing them that I was completely oblivious to them. Gunfire and cannon shots would lull me to sleep at night. When I went to boarding school in Togo years later, the soldiers in a nearby barracks would set off firecrackers and shoot their guns during New Years celebrations. The Ethiopian boys, who had also been through years of war, would dive under the beds to gain cover from what they thought was in coming fire. I never would though. Diving under the bed…It’s just not sexy, you understand?”
