Mugabe Starts Greeting Card Line
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The new Zim - In response to the world’s response on his response to the cholera epidemic in Zimbabwe, Pres. Mugabe has initiated a greeting card line using his gift for sarcasm. We sat down to tea (or boiled tree root, since there have been no tea imports into Harare for months now) with the president to discuss his new artistic initiative.
Smile Mugabe. Smile...
“Earlier this week when I said there was no cholera in Zimbabwe, I was just kidding”, said Robert. “But the world took it so seriously.”
He took a sip from his china cup and shook his head. Was it because it was one of the foulest things he’s ever put in his mouth, or from disbelief from his previous statement. We wondered…Mugabe’s (known by his new moniker, Rob-Mug) voice shook us from our pondering.
“I thought to myself ‘Hey, I have a real gift here. When I speak, the whole world takes notice. I better use this to my advantage.’ And that’s when I started my card line.”
He eagerly showed into the presidential library where his work is housed.
“These are just a few of my scribblings,” he said sheepishly.
The greeting card line, called “Just Fokkozing With Ya” features poetry, riddles, and knock-knock jokes, all employing his gift for sarcasm. The president has graciously allowed us to print three of his cards.
“It would really help with publicity if you would put these on MaizeBreak,” he said.
How flattering.
Card 1:
To the Minister of Health
Hey dude, guess what? Last night, I slept with your mom, and I didn’t use a rubber.
Ahhh! Just fokkozing with ya!
I slept with your dad.
But I still didn’t use a rubber.
Card 2:
Happy World AIDS day!
My fellow Zimbabweans! I am sad to announce, that as of yesterday, we had 40% of the population suffering from AIDS.
We are not a country that puts 40% effort into anything; therefore, I have injected you all with AIDS via this greeting card.
We should be operating at 100% by days’ end.
AHHH! Just fokkozing with ya! Everyone knows you can’t get AIDS from touching a piece of paper. You just have crabs.
Just wait till you see what I get you for Christmas!
Card 3:
Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Who’s there?
WHO’S THERE???
Oh. You’re still here? That “knock-knock” was me, knocking down your house.
Operation Murambatsvina (Operation Drive Out Rubbish), b*tches!
The cards should be available at local gift and flower shops in time for Christmas. They will be the only commodities on sale in the entire country.
