Experts: Key Element Missing from Hip-Life
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Volta Region – Along the lush banks of the Volta, a group of image consultants sit discussing the future of hip-life. Their solution? A ‘sankofa’ approach – Looking to the past to determine the future.
Although hip-life has exploded over the last 2 decades, a key component is missing that would catapult it into a different stratosphere. What is the missing link?
“Groupies,” says Kwaku Ayigbe. “Or more specifically, groupie panties.”
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A look at all the biggest artistes in history justifies his analysis. Aerosmith, Fela Kuti, Guns n’ Roses…all of them had a brigade of female followers that would troll around with them whilst on tour, longingly throwing their sweaty undergarments on stage as these masters of music performed. Fela Kuti was renowned for the compound he constructed in Nigeria for this very purpose. His home (a veritable town) was a mecca for music and love-making. The closest replica to that concept in modern terms has been Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch (minus the kiddie rape charges. RIP Mike! We love ya).
“With the economy only just now picking up, it’s unlikely that we can find investors to fund this type of construction project,” Ayigbe mulls. “However, there is a plus side. We can employ a gaggle of young ladies to fulfill the larger directive here: throwing their panties on stage.”
The group has spent the last few weeks going from town-to-town to recruit female legions of groupies. Under the new program, they would join an elite group of 13 girls called the Pioto Brigade, or PB-13. Their sole charter is to throw panties (but only pre-approved ones) at hip-life artists as they perform.
Reception to the idea has been pretty welcoming (even MB own editor considered throwing her undergarments at her favorite hiplife artist, M3nsa - still no word on if his management will allow him to take up the offer), but community leaders are worried about further moral degradation amongst the youth.
“Women don’t even hang their panties outside to dry,” said one chief from Aflao. “They hang them in the bathroom after bathing, OR in their rooms. Now they want our girls to throw them on stage for all to see?”
He shook his head in disbelief.
Mr. Ayigbe, who contends that PB-13 and others like it will give meaning to the lives of the country’s young women through gainful employment says he understands the chief’s concerns, but urges he and others like him to see the bigger picture.
“This is less about misogyny and female exploitation than it is about creating jobs,” he says. “In 2011, nothing can be more important than advancing our economy, and the ONLY way this is going to happen is if these women throw their panties on stage! From that, more and more jobs will be created. It’s a trickle-down effect.”
Who will be responsible for collecting and washing all these pioto once they’ve been flung is yet to be decided. MB will keep you informed as further developments take place.
