Africa Makes her 2008 New Year’s Resolutions, January 2nd.
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Madagascar – The Dark Continent, also known as Mother Africa, made her New Year’s resolutions today. Speaking exclusively to MaizeBreak, she detailed her plans for 2008.
10. We will try to resolve the conflict in Sudan, preferably before it spills into neighboring Togo. We understand that Togo is 3 countries to the west of Sudan, but by setting the bar really low, we’re sure to hit the mark.
9. We will send back the trillions of dollars that are in unnamed Swiss bank accounts. Yes, yes. I know that all those ‘benevolent dictators’ sent the money
abroad to ‘grow it’, with intensions of bringing it back to do good in the future…but it’s been 20 (or more) years…8. We as a continent will embark on a fattening program. We are currently battling record levels of narrowness. Mostly due to starvation.
7. Malaria will be embraced as a part of our culture.
6. We’re sending AIDS back to Europe. We don’t need it anymore. But Europe can leave the retro-viral treatments. We need that.
5. I’ll try to be more on time for my future appointments. I understand I’m making my resolutions a day late. But just as it was New Year’s 24 hours in advance in Australia, I’m sure it’s just now New Year’s some where else…like Mars.
4. I will now charge double the price for all raw materials that leave my shores. If oil is now $100 a barrel, then cocoa will be $50.
3. Football will be replaced with cricket as the continent’s favorite sport. Since my leaders like to compare us to the Asian Tigers, and India is experiencing an economic boom, it only makes sense that my people should mimic their sporting activities as well.
2. Red pepper will therefore be replaced with curry to season all dishes.
1. If all else fails, I shall offer myself up for re-colonization.
